I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
