you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
