im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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