DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
