it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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