it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
