Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
