Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
