just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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