he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
