I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
