Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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