Say something about gay babies.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
