We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
