its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
