I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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