i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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