apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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