The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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