I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
