how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
