I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
