is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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