she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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