why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
