Apparently you make a good broom.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
