I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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