You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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