i was born a porn star she said
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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