I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
