my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
