it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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