I look better un-naked...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
