I just pynch a tree in the face
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
