I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
