I CAN MOONWALK!
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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