I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
