my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
