3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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