I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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