If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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