She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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