I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
