i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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