my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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