Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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