who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
