but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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