I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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