What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
