I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
