I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
